at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
