Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
