Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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