got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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