Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
