I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
