I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
