hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
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He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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