someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
