I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
