this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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