Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
