my vag is so smooth its legendary
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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