He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
