just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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