What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
