got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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