vagina is talking i cant
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
