Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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