i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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