i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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