I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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