Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
