so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
