taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Someone shattered a urinal.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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