Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
