i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize