Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
