i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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