weddingsv make me drug and hornr
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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