is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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