she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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