I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
