k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Alive.
So much puke
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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