Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Randomize
