i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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