woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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