I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
