Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
