I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
