I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
