I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
