last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
