i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
