Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
