Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
