it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
