I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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