I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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