I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
