I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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