Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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