I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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