I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
