What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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