So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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