Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
