Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
