please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
