We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
