I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
