so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
