Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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