just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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