kristin has been a bad kristin
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
