Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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