What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
