Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
