turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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