i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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