Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
