The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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