Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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